Smiling Messages
by Imitation Vanilla Flavor x2
Summary: A series of cellphone messages left by The Great Papyrus; focusing on what may of happened after one of the neutral endings. In the end it amounts to a half-decent fan-fiction, with a writer who cannot write quality summaries.
1. Prologue

Ring, ring…

"heya. is anyone there… ? well i'll just leave a message. so it's been a while..."

"SANS! WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?"

"oh, nobody."

"WHAT!? NOBODY!? CAN I TALK TO THEM TOO?"

"here, knock yourself out."

"WAIT A SECOND! I RECOGNIZE THIS NUMBER! HEY! HUMAN! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M DOING FINE! WELL, BESIDES ONE THING… THE QUEEN DISBANDED THE ROYAL GUARD. SINCE WE DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT HUMANS ANYMORE. WOW! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. BUT, THAT'S OKAY! BECAUSE I'M STILL WORKING HARD! EVEN IF IT'S NOTHING AT ALL! SO DON'T FEEL BAD! PAPYRUS IS FINE! UNDYNE IS THE ONE THAT'S GOT IT BAD! SHE LOST HER JOB… THEN SHE LOST HER HOUSE… IT WAS SAD BUT WE'RE TAKING CARE OF HER! SHE LIVES ON OUR COUCH NOW! IT'S LIKE A SLEEPOVER EVERY NIGHT! A SLEEPOVER THERE'S NO ESCAPE FROM. OH, WE GAVE HER A JOB, TOO. SANS HIRED HER AT HIS ILLEGAL HOTDOG STAND. SHE HATES WORKING THERE! BUT SHE MAKES A MEAN HOT DOG!"

…

"OH YEAH! SHE STILL BLAMES YOU… FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ASGORE. AND ALPHYS' DISAPPEARANCE TOO. SHE'S NOT VERY HAPPY. SHE'S SAYING THINGS LIKE… "I COULDN'T PROTECT HER." IT'S HARD TO GET HER TO DO ANYTHING NOW. I EVEN SUGGESTED WE TRIED GETTING REVENGE ON YOU. YOU KNOW, SO I COULD SEE YOU AGAIN? BUT SHE JUST LOOKED AT ME AND SAID… "REVENGE WON'T BRING ANYONE BACK." I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU DID BUT… CAN YOU PLEASE BRING BACK HER FRIENDS? IF YOU MADE THEM DISAPPEAR? PLEASE… UNDYNE'S NOT DOING VERY WELL... BYE."

Click…

* * *

 _And by prologue, I mean a brief recap of what happened in the game... a brief and slightly lazy recap. Anyway welcome to Smiling Messages... actually no, welcome to dialogue ripped from the game. I'll give an actual introduction tomorrow and or in the next chapter. Yay, lazy author's notes... I guess they go along well with the lazy prologue?_


	2. A Goal

Ring, ring…

"HELLO HUMAN, THIS IS THE GREAT PAPYRUS! I'M CALLING YOU BECAUSE YOU'VE YET TO RESPOND TO MY PREVIOUS CALL! THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE, YOU MUST BE VERY BUSY BRINGING UNDYNE'S FRIENDS BACK! HOWEVER, I WOULD APPRECIATE YOU CALLING ME BACK! OF COURSE IT'S ONLY BEEN A DAY SO THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE! I'M SURE IT WILL BRING YOU COMFORT TO KNOW THAT I'M STILL FINE! ESPECIALLY SINCE I'VE COME UPON A NEW REVELATION, I HAVE FOUND MYSELF A GOAL! AMAZING I KNOW! NYEH-HEH-HEH!

WELL, ARE YOU READY HUMAN? DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY GOAL? OF COURSE YOU DO! WELL THEN WITHOUT FURTHER ADO! I THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL BE DOING MY BEST TO MAKE UNDYNE SMILE!

…

OF COURSE I SHOULD PROBABLY FOCUS ON GETTING A JOB TOO, THAT CAN BE MY OTHER GOAL! NOW TO BE FAIR UNDYNE HAS ALREADY SMILED, BUT SHE HASN'T _REALLY_ SMILED IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. OF COURSE SEEING AS YOU ARE BRINGING UNDYNE'S FRIENDS BACK, YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE HER REALLY SMILE TOO! SINCE WE HAVE THE SAME GOAL I THINK WE SHOULD KEEP EACH OTHER UPDATED. I KNOW, GENIUS, WE CAN BE SAME-GOAL-BUDDIES… OR WHATEVER!

I SUPPOSE YOU'LL WANT TO HEAR HOW EVERYONE IS DOING! APPARENTLY SANS TOLD YOU, BUT I DOUBT HE CAN DO AS WELL AS I CAN! I BET YOU HAVE ALMOST NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING, TYPICAL SANS!

AS I'VE SAID THREE TIMES NOW, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS FINE! I'M RUNNING AROUND DOING NOTHING VERY WELL! IT'S QUITE EXCITING! I'M STILL RECALIBRATING MY PUZZLES ALL THE TIME, BUT THE QUEEN DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO BE DANGEROUS! SO I'M TRYING TO MAKE THEM ALL SAFE FOR THE HUMANS THAT WILL FALL DOWN HERE! OF COURSE THEY STILL NEED HIGH STAKES, SO I MADE THE PRIZE FOR COMPLETING THEM MY SPAGHETTI! I IMAGINE NOT TASTING MY SPAGHETTI IS EVEN WORSE THAN BEING CAPTURED, I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY LADY TORIEL THINGS THAT THE STAKES ARE LOWER THAN BEFOREHAND!

SANS IS SOMEHOW MAKING THE MOST MONEY OUT OF EVERYONE! INSANE I KNOW! THAT WON'T LAST LONG THOUGH, JUST YOU WAIT! BESIDES, HE'S JUST AS LAZY AS EVER! IN FACT ALMOST NOTHING HAS CHANGED WITH HIM! HE'S STILL A SENTY, BUT INSTEAD OF WATCHING FOR HUMANS HE WATCHES FOR HUMANS! … WAIT A MOMENT, LET ME REPHRASE THAT. HE WATCHES FOR HUMAN TO TAKE TO LADY TORIEL INSTEAD OF ASGORE! THAT'S ABOUT IT!

SPEAKING OF LADY TORIEL, SHE'S OUR QUEEN AGAIN! I NEVER KNEW HER WHILE SHE WAS QUEEN BEFOREHAND, BUT APPARENTLY SHE WAS. WOWIE! SHE CHECKS UP ON US A LOT MORE THAN ASGORE DID, THOUGH I GUESS HE HAD THE ROYAL GUARD TO HELP OUT! SHE'S VERY NICE BUT THERE'S ONE PROBLEM, SHE AND SANS ARE ALWAYS MAKING TERRIBLE JOKES, IT'S ATROCIOUS! SERIOUSLY IT'S LIKE THEY'VE BEEN DOING IT THEIR WHOLE LIVES, AND THE WORST PART I THEY DON'T PLAN ON STOPPING! IF SHE WASN'T QUEEN I'D SCOLD THEM FOR IT ALL THE TIME!

THEN THERE'S UNDYNE… NOTHING'S CHANGED REALLY… HALF THE TIME SHE'S JUST LAYING ON THE COUCH STARING OUT THE WINDOW.

HOPEFULLY WE'LL BOTH MEET OUR GOALS SOON!

I'LL LET YOU KNOW MY TOP SECRET PLAN WHILE WE'RE AT IT! THAT WAY YOU CAN CALL ME IF YOU THINK IT'S A BAD IDEA! NYEH-HEH, AREN'T I CLEVER? ANYWAY, I'M GOING TO SURPRISE UNDYNE WHEN SHE GOES TO WORK TOMORROW! I'LL SHOW UP THERE AND OFFER TO HELP HER WITH HER JOB AND MAKE IT A FUN TIME! I THINK THAT'S A GOOD STEP ONE IN ACHIEVING OUR GOAL! HELPING WITH THE ILLEGAL HOTDOG-STAND SEEMS LIKE A SAFE FIRST STEP!

ANYWAY, I'LL TELL YOU HOW IT GOES LATER! HOPEFULLY IT'LL INSPIRE YOU TO WORK HARDER AT BRINGING HER FRIENDS BACK! ALRIGHT HUMAN, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, BYE!"

Click…

* * *

 _Actual content yay? I probably should've added this on a bit sooner. Oh well, can't do much about it I guess. Okay for real this time. Welcome to Smiling Messages. A hopefully at least halfway decent series of short messages from "The Great Papyrus".Hopefully the short length of each message will lead to me adding in chapters more often, not likely though. I probably could force in a few more sentences of description, no real need I guess. Yeah um... thank's for bothering to read this I suppose? Hopefully I'll get a bit better at authors notes throughout this._


	3. Passion

Ring, ring…

"GREETINGS HUMAN THIS IS THE GREAT PAPYRUS! I'M BACK FROM MY ADVENTURES AT THE ILLEGAL HOT DOG STAND WITH UNDYNE! IT WENT… SOMEWHAT WELL. I KNOW YOU'RE VERY EXCITED TO HEAR ABOUT IT SO I'LL CUT TO THE CHASE!

I AMBUSHED THE GREAT UNDYNE IN THE MIDDLE OF HER JOB, PERFORMING THE VERY BEST TYPE OF AMBUSH, THE FREE-SPAGHETTI KIND! YES I BROUGHT HER A DISH OF MY MOST DELECTABLE MEAL! UNDYNE, ATE IT SO QUICKLY SHE HARDLY HARD TIME TO TASTE IT. SHE MUST'VE BEEN TOO EXCITED!

AFTER SHE HAD DOWNED A TASTE OF MY GREATEST GIFT I HELPED HER WORK AT THE STAND. BEING THE GREAT PAPYRUS I IDENTIFIED ONE OF THE REASONS SHE HATES WORK SO MUCH RIGHT AWAY! NYEH-HEH-HEH!

YOU SEE UNDYNE ALWAYS TOLD ME IT WAS IMPORTANT TO PUT PASSION IN MY BAKING, ESPECIALLY WHEN WE JUST STARTED MY LESSONS. IT WAS A TOTAL MESS WHEN WE STARTED COOKING, BUT THE SPAGHETTI WAS STILL THE FINEST QUALITY! WHY? BECAUSE WE INFUSED IT WITH OUR ALL POWERFUL EMOTIONS! YOU SEE UNDYNE WASN'T BEING VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT GIVING AWAY ILLEGAL-HOT-DOGS, SO I DECIDED TO HELP OUT.

I PRESENTED EACH DOG WITH AS MUCH CHARM AS I WOULD A PLATE OF MY ARTISAN SPAGHETTI, WITH ABUNDANT QUIRK AND ENTHUSIASM. FOR INSTANCE, SINCE YOU MAY WANT TO TRY THIS YOURSELF HUMAN, I'D SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS. 'THIS HOTDOG IS THE HOTEST DOG IN ALL OF THE HOTLANDS. NOT ONLY THAT BUT IT IS A MASTER'S WORK! IT'S SO GOOD IT'S ACTUALLY ILLEGAL, REALLY WE SHOULDN'T BE SELLING THESE! YOU'VE GOT TO TRY ONE WHILE YOU STILL CAN!' ALL THE WHILE I WOULD POSE MASTERFULLY ON TOP OF THE STAND!

I THINK WE SOLD MORE HOT DOGS TODAY THAN WE EVER HAVE! ALL DUE TO MY MASTERFUL WORK! I ENCOURAGED UNDYNE TO TRY IT WITH ME BUT… SHE DIDN'T SEEM LIKE SHE WANTED TO... I EVEN SUGGESTED SHE SUPLEX THE STAND WITH ME ON IT… SHE SAID NO… AND THEN I SUGGESTED IT AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN! EVENTUALLY I GOT HER TO ACTUALLY DO IT… BUT SOMETHING WAS MISSING. THERE WASN'T ENOUGH UNDYNE IN THE SUPLEXING.

ANYWAY EVENTUALLY BUSINESS STARTED TO SLOW, SO I STARTED DRAWING DESIGNS ON THE HOTDOGS IN THAT TERRIBLE KETCHUP THAT SANS LIKES SO MUCH. I THINK IT MADE THEM EVEN MORE APPEALING TO CUSTOMERS. EVEN UNDYNE JOINED IN SOME. I MADE ONE THAT LOOKED LIKE HER FOR HER. SHE KINDA LIKED IT… I THINK.

ANYWAY AFTER THAT SANS CAME AND SHORTCUTTED US HOME, WHICH HE NEVER DID TOO OFTEN BEFORE. I WOULD'VE PREFERRED A WALK BUT IT WORKED, I GUESS. UNDYNE SETTLED BACK AND THE COUCH AGAIN AND I READ HER SOME OF MY FAVORITE JOKE BOOKS, NOT THE TERRIBLE JOKE BOOKS SANS OWNS OF COURSE!

…

HUMAN, I MAY OF NOT GOTTEN UNDYNE TO COMPLETELY CHEER UP TODAY, BUT I KNOW I'M GETTING CLOSER! I'LL KEEP HER HAPPY FOR AS LONG AS I CAN, SO ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS FOCUS ON YOUR TASK! DON'T WORRY, THERE'S NO RUSH, THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL KEEP UNDYNE'S HAPPINESS IN CHECK!

ANYWAY, I'LL KEEP KEEPING YOU UPDATED! GOOD-BYE HUMAN!

Click...


	4. An Opening

Ring, Ring…

"HUMAN, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS BACK! I APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. APPARENTLY ON THE SURFACE THE SUN GOES DOWN AT NIGHT, AND I HEAR YOU HUMANS LIKE THE SUN A LOT; WHICH IS WHY YOU SLEEP WITH IT… ANYWAY, I'LL LEAD WITH SOMETHING I OBSERVED ABOUT UNDYNE!

YOU SEE WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS ASLEEP UNDYNE ISN'T ON THE COUCH, WHERE SHE SHOULD BE. I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE; I'M NEVER IN MY BED AT NIGHT EITHER. STILL…

I THINK I'LL HAVE TO ASK HER ABOUT IT LATER

MORE IMPORTANTLY THERE'S A JOB OPENING AT GRILLBY'S! IT'S KIND OF WEIRD, GRILLBY NEVER NEED HELP IN RESTAURANT BEFORE… MAYBE HE RECOGNIZED MY WONDERFUL COOKING ABILITIES? SEEING I WAS OUT OF JOB HE MIGHT HAVE JUMPED AT THE OPPORTUNITY!... THOUGH THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE MOVING IN FROM THE CAPITAL TOO! ANYWAY SANS THINKS I SHOULD TAKE THE JOB, AND GET THIS… FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE I AGREE WITH HIM!

I KNOW, I KNOW! 'BUT PAPYRUS, YOU HATE GRILLBY'S IT'S GREASY AND SANS IS THERE ALL THE TIME.' WELL FIRSTLY I ORDERED GRILLBY TO LOWER THE USE OF GREASE SO IT AT LEAST MEETS MY STANDARDS. OF COURSE HE CAN'T LOWER IT ALL THE WAY SINCE IT'S A MAIN INGREDIENT IN ALL THE FOOD. BUT THIS WILL DO! THE TRANSLATOR SAYS HE'LL BE TAKING CARE OF THAT. WOWIE ISN'T GRILLBY EASY TO WORK WITH! SECONDLY I GOT SANS TO AGREE THAT GRILLBY'S IS A STRICTLY NO-PUN ZONE! IF HE BREAKS MY NEW RULE I TAKE A SOCK FROM HIM! THOUGH HONESTLY I THINK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO RESTRICT MORE THAN JUST PUNS WITH HIM. GRILLBY'S ISN'T EXACTLY WHERE I WANTED TO WORK, BUT IT IS TRULY PREPOSTEROUS THAT SANS, THE LAZY BAG OF BONES, IS MAKING MORE MONEY THAN I AM! SOMETHING SERIOUSLY NEEDED TO BE DONE TO TAKE CARE OF THAT PROBLEM. AND THIS IS THE SOMEWHAT-PERFECT SOLUTION!

ANYWAY UNDER THESE CONDITIONS I APPLIED FOR THE JOB. IT SHOULD BE MINE SOME TIME TOMORROW; SO THAT WILL BE GOOD. I'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY COOKING IN PREPARATION! DO YOU THINK GRILLBY WILL HAVE ANY COOL COOKING TIPS FOR ME? WILL HE KNOW SOMETHING EVEN THE GREAT PAPYRUS DOES NOT? HE DOES COOK ALL THE TIME SO SURELY HE HAS AT LEAST A CHANCE. IT'LL BE NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE TEACHING ME HOW TO COOK AGAIN.

HUMAN IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU NEED ON YOUR OWN PERSONAL JOURNEY PLEASE TELL ME. I UNDERSTAND VACATIONS ARE RELAXING. BUT UNDYNE'S FRIENDS REALLY NEED TO COME BACK AND MAKE SURE SHE RECOVERS FROM HER SADNESS SICKNESS. SURELY SHOWING THEM MY MESSAGES WILL HELP. YOU SHOULD TRY IT! ...BUT DON'T FEEL RUSHED. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE NOTHING BAD HAPPENS TO ANY OF YOU ALL WHILE YOU'RE RUINING VACATIONS. I'LL SEND ANOTHER MESSAGE REALLY SOON, SO KEEP AN EYE... OR AN EAR... JUST PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR PHONE!"

Click...


End file.
